Chris L'Esperance
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #114845
Covid-19 Services:
Now offering online therapy services for
Santa Cruz and San Luis Obispo County Residents.
Identity
Identity can be particularly challenging for those in minority communities including the LGBTQ community, ethnic or racial minorities, bi-racial or multi-racial individuals, and children of immigrants. Additionally, our culture and society pushes both men and women to identify with the extreme ends of the spectrum between masculinity and femininity. This can lead to men and boys to feel as though they have to live up to unrealistic standards for manhood in a way that leaves little room for vulnerability and other qualities that may be considered feminine. Women are often overly sexualized and encouraged to conform to feminine roles such as caretaking and may not be encouraged or allowed to pursue the same opportunities as men. These pressures can lead to confusion, frustration and feelings of limitation. We all exist on a spectrum of masculinity and femininity. I want to support my clients in finding a place on that continuum that feels right for them. Coming from a multi-racial, cultural, and ethnic background myself, I have grappled with and reflected on how the dynamics between culture and identity have impacted my life. I want to support clients in finding an identity that feels authentic and support them in aligning with that identity in their life and relationships.
There are some fundamental questions that most of us grapple with at some point in our lives. Who am I? Who do I want to be? How do I want other people to see me? Where do I or, where don’t I fit in? When most people come in to counseling, they typically don’t come in with a big concern about identity. However, our self-concept, how we see and understand ourselves is central to our life experience. What did we learn was important about ourselves as we were growing up? Were we valued as caretakers for others in our family, or were we expected to succeed in school or sports and learned that failing to succeed meant we were somehow ‘not good enough’? What sorts of things were or are valued in the cultures we grew up in? Asking and answering these questions can not only help with developing a sense of our own identity, but can also help us work through tensions related to depression, anxiety and relational dysfunction.
